An Open Letter To Jared Leto

Dear Jared -

The way you behaved tonight is inexcusable. You were an asshole to me. You didn't have to be, I even gave you an out - to be rid of me... so you could continue your shenanigans, but you didn't take it.

I know you love that I like you - want you - whatever you want to call it. I see it. I see you liking it and wanting more. Then it gets to that point where its almost real - and you just bail. That I am used to. Tonight, you crossed the line.
Don't take me out of the club, with all my friends, under the guise of spending time together, then bring some other chick with us - I was just insulted. You know how I feel, Christ even your friend knows my deal, so don't pretend it wasn't all for show. I saw you touching her, yet refusing to give up your phone number to her. It was just a game for you. Once I got mad enough, you got rid of her.
I know I don't own you, but don't put me in the situation. You knew I only went because you talked me into it ... then you bring some fucking chick. And pretend you don't know it's just mean.

I know I need to forget about you. Jared, I probably will now.

It just sucks to know that you aren't uninterested, you are just afraid to do anything about it.

I won't wait. I deserve to be treated better. I won't have it.

Trying Times

You know it has all been a lot of fun. All the boys, the sex, the excitement. I hope you have also enjoyed my stories over the last year. But all good things must come to an end. This might be the beginning of the end for my chapter in freeness. Or maybe I will be back with a new story next week. That is beauty of everything, nothing ever is a sure thing.

This brings me to the story of Jared Leto. Now - I don't really mean Mr. Jordan Catalano of "my so called life". I could never steal Claire Daines man. She is just too cute. I just have named my friend to protect his identity.. and he kinda looks like Jared Leto...

He is different in that I know him in RW (Real World). He is a past co-worker of my dearest girl friend. He is a weirdo-good guy. Grew up in Middle Canada in a cold death zone we lovingly refer to as "Winnipeg". It is also worth noting... he is 33 and shorter than me... two strikes typically in my selection of boys... but somehow he lives on.
The first night I met him, my birthday (5 months ago now)... he told me I couldn't go to bed, as I hadn't invited him upstairs yet... I found him drunk and crazy... so I really just mocked him a lot. My neighbour witnessed the event and commented "you can do better". I just chalked it up to drunkenness... but could not help but be reminded how I was having a bad time until he showed up. Let's face it. I like them weird... it's my fatal flaw perhaps.
Saw him here and there for a few more parties or events... nothing really exciting to note. He seemed standoffish... nothing really clicking... so I just gave up the notion and returned to my thoughts of big john and Spadercam. At least I know what I am getting with those cats.

Then in the last week... I have had several run ins with Jared Leto and find myself more and more curious of him. Also worth noting, he seems to be rather curious of me... and is doing little things.
There seems to be interest on his part... to get to know me... and occasionally do flirty things. Arms around the shoulder as we walk to a club... telling me that he isn't the dirtbag that he thinks I think he is... once he kinda held hands with me when he segregated me from our group at a different bar. This was after he ordered for me in a restaurant... just drinks... but it was kinda hot.

We talked about family and life - he's moved all over this great country... doing all kinds of crazy things. Condo buying in BC, Rig working in Alberta, waitering in Toronto.... He's interesting.

He is also not consistent in my opinion. Now before I go on... to be fair. I over think things ... A LOT. So I do indulge myself a little too much... at least I have thought about it lots. Isn't that good? That is for another time.
I am not going to bore you with the details of my bad choices of the last few days. Needless to say - I am normally not the girl to be found in some sort of all night, underground Karaoke Bar drinking "JagerBombs" and smoking like it is going out of style... but we all sacrifice for our love once and a while right?
I was happy with the progress early in the evening... jokes, arm around me on the couch... us picking out cool songs for him to sing too... his excellent impression of Axl Rose loosing his mind on a fan~ adorable stuff. Then it kinda stopped. I don't know if it is my complete lack of affection back. It has been the fatal flaw in the past.
The night ended with some hope and a clever comment from him in a cab way to late to acknowledge.

Today I replayed what I could recall. Most of the day I was miserable by the outcome of the night and became convinced that he was an ass and I was going to just give up on his confusing moves and return to my boy project. Worse things could happen.
Then the Jerk and I had a little chat... strange how he is the voice of reason in all of this for me...
He simply pointed out to me that boys are stupid and don't think the same. They can try to get close to you.. and flirt with a waitress... or be hot and cold at the drop of a hat... especially if they aren't getting their desired response.
I am tired, since I didn't sleep so much, stupid Jagerbombs, so I am going to end this. I am going to hold out and see of Jared Leto is going to change my ways or not. I don't know how long I am going to wait... but hopefully it will all work for the best.

Oh and his eyes make me lose my breathe a little... makes me giddy for some reason...