I know... I know...

So here I am again.... telling you about how I want to let go of Jared Leto... and how I know it is impossible... and he just fucks me over again and again.. Only this time... he fucks me over by telling me how important I am to him...

After a night of ill-advised drinking ( it is a school night after all) and some emotional occurrences had by all... he just gets me in the end.

Him telling me that I have become to be such an important person in his life.. that he went out west and just gushed about me to his "solid" friends... it destroys me.
I know he means well, and wants me to know he loves me... without actually telling me he loves me. At one point, he was stuttering out this sentence... and I just stopped him with - " I love you too Jared Leto".

What am I going to do... I adore him. He is so perfect in so many ways - yet it will be impossible to get to the point I want to be.

Oh and he told me that I make him want to be a better man... he said that. I am not even lying.

Are there more fish in the sea?

Recently I have come to be aware of a new option in the dating pool. The fisherman. He seems quiet, yet not boring. He is a friend of a friend's cousin or some such connection. I have only really met him twice now. Once, at a birthday party at a bar... where he seemed to watch me and pay to much attention..for a stranger. To be honest, I don't work well in these situations. I am better suited to the chaser, or just not to be chased at all. It's something I need to work on. Needless to say, I ran away that night... and haven't stopped thinking about it.

I have had several other opportunities to meet up in social situations since, but have bailed twice before... partially because of Jared Leto and partially because of my chase-ee issue.

This past weekend I had what was probably my last chance... and of couse I blew it. Jared Leto was at the same party... because I invited him... well I told him about his invitation... and he didn't know enough people to support his socially inept ways... So I ignored my chance to talk to the fisherman and see if there is anything to him... to sit around and get really really drunk with a guy who doesn't seem comfortable with anything more than friendship.

I ignore what could be... for what will never be.

I am trying to remedy it slowly using the illusive facebook wall post... but I doubt I can get it back.

Besides, I was drunk and loud and ignorant. Who wants to date that? No one.

I hate everything and everyone... well not everyone.