I have started writing this post 3 times now. I have written a bunch, then erased it. I even had this wierd Dicken's quote and related it to things. But it just wasn't working. So I have decided to revert to a point form blog:
+ My Lover is gone. I didn't bother calling him for a few weeks. Then I thought I was pregnant for a couple days. Then I talked to him. Then I found out he had gotten a new girlfriend. End of story. He contacted me - which was strange, like he wanted me to know that he got a girl. Maybe he was just talking? Who knows. Either way, I am not too upset about it.
+ BW - I have decided that since this guy flips and flops ( though there hasn't been much of this in the last few visits) - I am going to play around. I am going to see if he will come out for dinner or drinks or a walk or something. Just see what his reaction is. Maybe he is a slow mover ( which is the way he seems to be)... or maybe he is just trying to steal some of my Mojo ( thanks to one of my work bitches for the term). He is awkward - so perhaps this is the deal. Though who has heard of a man giggling like a child when you rub his near bald head? I will let you know what happens with this.
+ Pride weekend has just ended. And it truly was an all out gay good time. I am spent and tired.
Thats it. It took me an hour to produce this.
So sad.
6.26.2006
6.17.2006
Am I Crazy?
It was a hot, humid June night. You could smell something in the air - but you could not put your finger on it. Was it love? Was it disbelief of others? Was it the garbage fermenting in the back of the building?
Who knows.
I am trapped in Niagara Falls Ontario. The folks reside here. It is horrible to be so displaced from the city. I have nothing but this obsolete computer to entertain me. Oh and my thoughts.
What can I tell you?
I can tell that BW ( that short form just makes me laugh for so many stupid reasons) is making me slightly crazy.
Last night he came to cards again. He was touchy, chatty and even preachy about my smoking habits. Mind you- I don't go on about his wacky tobacco habits... Maybe I should. Nothing more annoying than the reformed smoker. Though - it is obvious he doesn't like me smoking. So this may be a clue to his evil plans with me. Or he just wants everyone to stop smoking.
Regardless of all this, he was as touchy as ever, manipulated the table to sit beside me. Made the third person sit in the front of the cab ( even though it meant - he had to climb in back after BW got out at his stop. Actually, this is interesting, and it didn't occur to me until now ( booze is to blame). The two of them discussed this as we were getting in the cab. 3 in the back? Who would sit in the front if we didn't do that. Other boy ( his name will be Porno as he looks like a 70s pornstar or Freddy mercury) - might have even suggested BW get in front as he was first out of the cab... That is usually how it goes. But BW won out, which is even odder - considering this guy bends over backwards to be "nice" to everyone.
There was no touching. He did a playful shoulder to shoulder thing when he got out.
He asked again about me going to ball games on Sunday. He told me I should call him when I want to go. I told him about how DW and I talked about going... So we could sit on the grass together in our refusal to play. Baseball, as well as all sports, not my friend. BW said I didn't need DW to go. I would be fine without him.... Interesting comment coming from DWs close friend I would say.
He also asked about my Pride plans. He suggested we get together at some point. Perhaps for the parade ( then we could go to baseball).
Lots of plans this guy has. Lots of plans. I am thinking of showing up as a surprise tomorrow. The kids are most likely going to bring me back to TO with them... And that will leave plenty of time to show.
We shall see though, I haven't shaved my legs and they may be prickly. I have a skirt to wear tomorrow.. So maybe I won't go.
Or maybe dad has a spare disposable?
PS still don't know if I even care if BW is into me. Just the idea of attention is flattering.... As long as it isn't some sort of pity niceties.
Who knows.
I am trapped in Niagara Falls Ontario. The folks reside here. It is horrible to be so displaced from the city. I have nothing but this obsolete computer to entertain me. Oh and my thoughts.
What can I tell you?
I can tell that BW ( that short form just makes me laugh for so many stupid reasons) is making me slightly crazy.
Last night he came to cards again. He was touchy, chatty and even preachy about my smoking habits. Mind you- I don't go on about his wacky tobacco habits... Maybe I should. Nothing more annoying than the reformed smoker. Though - it is obvious he doesn't like me smoking. So this may be a clue to his evil plans with me. Or he just wants everyone to stop smoking.
Regardless of all this, he was as touchy as ever, manipulated the table to sit beside me. Made the third person sit in the front of the cab ( even though it meant - he had to climb in back after BW got out at his stop. Actually, this is interesting, and it didn't occur to me until now ( booze is to blame). The two of them discussed this as we were getting in the cab. 3 in the back? Who would sit in the front if we didn't do that. Other boy ( his name will be Porno as he looks like a 70s pornstar or Freddy mercury) - might have even suggested BW get in front as he was first out of the cab... That is usually how it goes. But BW won out, which is even odder - considering this guy bends over backwards to be "nice" to everyone.
There was no touching. He did a playful shoulder to shoulder thing when he got out.
He asked again about me going to ball games on Sunday. He told me I should call him when I want to go. I told him about how DW and I talked about going... So we could sit on the grass together in our refusal to play. Baseball, as well as all sports, not my friend. BW said I didn't need DW to go. I would be fine without him.... Interesting comment coming from DWs close friend I would say.
He also asked about my Pride plans. He suggested we get together at some point. Perhaps for the parade ( then we could go to baseball).
Lots of plans this guy has. Lots of plans. I am thinking of showing up as a surprise tomorrow. The kids are most likely going to bring me back to TO with them... And that will leave plenty of time to show.
We shall see though, I haven't shaved my legs and they may be prickly. I have a skirt to wear tomorrow.. So maybe I won't go.
Or maybe dad has a spare disposable?
PS still don't know if I even care if BW is into me. Just the idea of attention is flattering.... As long as it isn't some sort of pity niceties.
6.14.2006
Is Everything alright, Shan?
What a show of affection, love, respect and everything else good.
Asking a person if everything is alright.
Now I am not talking about just asking "how are you" to your neighbour or co-worker, and not even stopping to find out the answer. This is an example of faking it. You ask, because you are shamed to admit you care more about that cup of coffee or smoke - to stop and share 17 minutes with that person.
Where did we go wrong? When did I stop caring so much?
Someone, DW to be exact, asked me today, If Everything was alright. And it wasn't in passing. It was after phone call one ( where I invited him over to hang out). Normal request.
Then the second call " do we need booze". Of course we do, especially if we are going to try and not do drugs. Of course we do.
Then he asks the question of the day.
Now, everything is alright with me.
There was no big trauma.
There was no crisis.
Not a hard day at work.
No one got sick or called for money.
No one yelled or even was mean.
It was a nice good day.
But this doesn't negate the fact that the question almost brought me to my knees.
Now - I know who we are talking about - and you have it wrong.
It didn't make me want him, it didn't make me wet. It really just threw me for a loop. Shocked me if you will.
It's stupid, but I don't recall anyone asking me this very question ( at least not with anything but the knee jerk reaction inquiries) - in a long time. I think because I don't ever talk about things, people just got out of the habit. (this is better than thinking they don't care)
People are caught up, myself included.
But the one guy who should be caught up in himself. The guy that everyone else has an opinion on how he is the most fucked guy they know. Did this and did that. The one guy that everyone thinks is missing the emotions that matter - he asks me if everything is alright. He calls me rich. I even think sometimes he believes I am. I am pretty sure he thinks I lived a pretty charmed life these days.
He apologizes for not asking when I called him to come over. Who apologizes for being insensitive over this sort of thing? I will tell you -few and far between are people like this.
Blah Blah Blah Blech.
I am not trying to crawl up DWs ass. I am pretty much over the lust and wanting him. He isn't what I want, he would be a lot of fun though.... For a while.
I just think that I could learn a lot about caring and emotion from someone who acts like this. There is more to this whole story - but privacy laws (DWs Law if you will) prohibit me from disclosing our conversation.
Asking a person if everything is alright.
Now I am not talking about just asking "how are you" to your neighbour or co-worker, and not even stopping to find out the answer. This is an example of faking it. You ask, because you are shamed to admit you care more about that cup of coffee or smoke - to stop and share 17 minutes with that person.
Where did we go wrong? When did I stop caring so much?
Someone, DW to be exact, asked me today, If Everything was alright. And it wasn't in passing. It was after phone call one ( where I invited him over to hang out). Normal request.
Then the second call " do we need booze". Of course we do, especially if we are going to try and not do drugs. Of course we do.
Then he asks the question of the day.
Now, everything is alright with me.
There was no big trauma.
There was no crisis.
Not a hard day at work.
No one got sick or called for money.
No one yelled or even was mean.
It was a nice good day.
But this doesn't negate the fact that the question almost brought me to my knees.
Now - I know who we are talking about - and you have it wrong.
It didn't make me want him, it didn't make me wet. It really just threw me for a loop. Shocked me if you will.
It's stupid, but I don't recall anyone asking me this very question ( at least not with anything but the knee jerk reaction inquiries) - in a long time. I think because I don't ever talk about things, people just got out of the habit. (this is better than thinking they don't care)
People are caught up, myself included.
But the one guy who should be caught up in himself. The guy that everyone else has an opinion on how he is the most fucked guy they know. Did this and did that. The one guy that everyone thinks is missing the emotions that matter - he asks me if everything is alright. He calls me rich. I even think sometimes he believes I am. I am pretty sure he thinks I lived a pretty charmed life these days.
He apologizes for not asking when I called him to come over. Who apologizes for being insensitive over this sort of thing? I will tell you -few and far between are people like this.
Blah Blah Blah Blech.
I am not trying to crawl up DWs ass. I am pretty much over the lust and wanting him. He isn't what I want, he would be a lot of fun though.... For a while.
I just think that I could learn a lot about caring and emotion from someone who acts like this. There is more to this whole story - but privacy laws (DWs Law if you will) prohibit me from disclosing our conversation.
6.11.2006
Damn my good Doppleganger.
I must admit, I have delayed this entry by a couple days. Trying to figure how I was going to tell this story. I realized along the way, that I am confused about the whole thing, not just on how to tell it.
Of course, I am a bit of a drama lover, so I will attempt to not pretty it all up too much.
Bookworm. You are my nemesis. Or my good doppleganger. One or the other. You decide.
Cards on Friday night. Good night. We had some fun. The Jerk was working late, so I had the chance to hang out with DC and his bro for a bit. It is always weird to hang out with siblings. They have their own communication methods - like those twins who make up their own
language or something. I don't understand siblings at all - probably because I have none. It was interesting none the less.
The night goes on. Bookworm shows up, which he has been doing more of lately. The joke is that he is my nemesis - because he shows up and wins all our dimes. Over and over. Probably because he is so good, his Karma kills us all or something like that. Needless to say, I get lippy with him about it, in a friendly funny way of course.
A few weeks ago, I noticed that he really pays attention to me at these nights. As a non-smoker, he comes to the smoking patio with me all the time. "To keep you company". His nice guy routine of course. I didn't pay much attention, because we have been down this road before. His attention, his ignorance . Flip flop. Flip Flop.
I thought I had figured it out. Condescension attention or something. Nice when people around, crazy when no one is around. Like that crazy New Year's kiss thing. Or the hand at the small of my back at parties. Some sort of pitty the new lonely girl thing or something.
But now I don't know. I think about all the times he has said things about my obvious growing affection for DW. He seems to approve of my taking in the stray dog routine, but also warns me or chastises me for falling for DWs crap again. Of course, he would know, they have known each other for like 16 years or something.
They are like me and LimeRickie I suspect. Complex and all that crap.
Back to Friday night.
End of the night is drawing closer. DC invites me back to his place for a bit, so we can get into the "business". The "business" basically means we are going to hang out and do drugs. Relatively bad drugs too. I think we all know I am no angel at this point. If you need anymore help in figuring out what kind - there are many songs that talk about it... Eric Clapton, Grateful dead, and of course, my new favourite... Gnarls Barkley. ( Get that album!!)
Also, the Jerk also suggests I stay behind after Bookworm and the kids go home, for the same purpose.
I like these ideas. Spending alone time with DC? How could I deny myself? And the Jerk, well, since our friendship has been less than solid lately, this would have been a good opportunity to air our laundry...
but alas, it was not mean to be.
Bookworm wanted to share a cab home with me. Makes sense since we both live east of the apartment. Only I don't want to tell Mr. Morals why I want to stay behind, which would most likely come up. Though he ticks me off with all his touchy feely ways, I have a respect. Damn him.
So I leave and catch the cab. It is late anyways, there will be other days. Mind you, I am also a little drunk. Not too much but I am warm from the Rye for sure.
I find that we are sitting close in the cab. I tilt my head and lean on him. Why not - I am tired. But it is uncomfortable as I am sitting too tall so I sit back up. This is the weird part.
He readjusts himself to be more conducive to me doing this. And moves right up against me. We end up cuddling in the cab all the way to his place.
Right before he gets out, he takes my hand in an all old school way. Almost like he is going to kiss my hand goodnight or something. He doesn't do this. But he does suggest that we get together sometime soon.
Then he is gone.
I think I hate him for his flip flop. It confuses me.
Though, I have given some thought as to why I do actually care about all this flirtfest/rejection game he does do. Why do I care? Why do I think about it.
He is no bad boy - and of course, over the years, that is what I gravitate towards. The messy ones.
Bookworm - he is the least messy of people.
Either way, we shall see, as I am leaving right now to go and meet the gang for some post baseball drinks. He will be there, amongst a ton of others.
whatever. This is the story. You tell me?
Of course, I am a bit of a drama lover, so I will attempt to not pretty it all up too much.
Bookworm. You are my nemesis. Or my good doppleganger. One or the other. You decide.
Cards on Friday night. Good night. We had some fun. The Jerk was working late, so I had the chance to hang out with DC and his bro for a bit. It is always weird to hang out with siblings. They have their own communication methods - like those twins who make up their own
language or something. I don't understand siblings at all - probably because I have none. It was interesting none the less.The night goes on. Bookworm shows up, which he has been doing more of lately. The joke is that he is my nemesis - because he shows up and wins all our dimes. Over and over. Probably because he is so good, his Karma kills us all or something like that. Needless to say, I get lippy with him about it, in a friendly funny way of course.
A few weeks ago, I noticed that he really pays attention to me at these nights. As a non-smoker, he comes to the smoking patio with me all the time. "To keep you company". His nice guy routine of course. I didn't pay much attention, because we have been down this road before. His attention, his ignorance . Flip flop. Flip Flop.
I thought I had figured it out. Condescension attention or something. Nice when people around, crazy when no one is around. Like that crazy New Year's kiss thing. Or the hand at the small of my back at parties. Some sort of pitty the new lonely girl thing or something.
But now I don't know. I think about all the times he has said things about my obvious growing affection for DW. He seems to approve of my taking in the stray dog routine, but also warns me or chastises me for falling for DWs crap again. Of course, he would know, they have known each other for like 16 years or something.
They are like me and LimeRickie I suspect. Complex and all that crap.
Back to Friday night.
End of the night is drawing closer. DC invites me back to his place for a bit, so we can get into the "business". The "business" basically means we are going to hang out and do drugs. Relatively bad drugs too. I think we all know I am no angel at this point. If you need anymore help in figuring out what kind - there are many songs that talk about it... Eric Clapton, Grateful dead, and of course, my new favourite... Gnarls Barkley. ( Get that album!!)
Also, the Jerk also suggests I stay behind after Bookworm and the kids go home, for the same purpose.
I like these ideas. Spending alone time with DC? How could I deny myself? And the Jerk, well, since our friendship has been less than solid lately, this would have been a good opportunity to air our laundry...
but alas, it was not mean to be.
Bookworm wanted to share a cab home with me. Makes sense since we both live east of the apartment. Only I don't want to tell Mr. Morals why I want to stay behind, which would most likely come up. Though he ticks me off with all his touchy feely ways, I have a respect. Damn him.
So I leave and catch the cab. It is late anyways, there will be other days. Mind you, I am also a little drunk. Not too much but I am warm from the Rye for sure.
I find that we are sitting close in the cab. I tilt my head and lean on him. Why not - I am tired. But it is uncomfortable as I am sitting too tall so I sit back up. This is the weird part.
He readjusts himself to be more conducive to me doing this. And moves right up against me. We end up cuddling in the cab all the way to his place.
Right before he gets out, he takes my hand in an all old school way. Almost like he is going to kiss my hand goodnight or something. He doesn't do this. But he does suggest that we get together sometime soon.
Then he is gone.
I think I hate him for his flip flop. It confuses me.
Though, I have given some thought as to why I do actually care about all this flirtfest/rejection game he does do. Why do I care? Why do I think about it.
He is no bad boy - and of course, over the years, that is what I gravitate towards. The messy ones.
Bookworm - he is the least messy of people.
Either way, we shall see, as I am leaving right now to go and meet the gang for some post baseball drinks. He will be there, amongst a ton of others.
whatever. This is the story. You tell me?
6.08.2006
Is knowing you weakness, what made you strong?
Well, what can I say? I am a creature of habit. I enjoy doing the same things over and over again. I like re-watching movies over and over - finding something new every time ( Fight Club is excellent for this). I like playing the same games for weeks at a time. This explains the great Risk years and my current Rummoli addictions. My current favourite song – Crazy by Gnarls Barkley – has been played 82 times ( I have had it for less than a month) – and this is just on Itunes, not the times I have listened to it on my MP3 or the 5 times I made them play it at that party. Even when it comes to friends - I get friends and keep them forever - and we do the same things over and over - whether it be fight, laugh or cry.
I enjoy comfort from the familiar. This is what I do. It also has its pitfalls. I get stuck in these patterns and it takes forever for me to try new things. It may well be my biggest problem in life, I almost never learn from any mistake unless I am nearly beaten to death by it - 18 times.
DW and I went out - on what I can only call a date. He came to my place, we went to the movie, but of course "The Omen" was sold out on 666. So we bought tickets for the 9:25 show. Then we went and caught some drinks and talked while waiting for the movie.
It was good to catch up. Talked about his short lived girlfriend. Talked about my lover a bit. Talked about our friends. Talked about so many things. He even managed to trick me, with my own trick.
It is a great way to find things out. You just elude to how you know something, say a word or two that seems plausible, and wham - they tell you everything. This has worked many times over the years, when you know something is up. Only this time it was DW who tricked me. I swear I was just confused by his now super hot body.
Seriously, how can I help but falling back in lust with him: he cleaned up, got a real job, and has been working labour for a month. His body is hot now. Solid. Oh and he tricked me, which is am impressive on its own ( I am not being an ego maniac here, it is just the truth - they don't call me puppet master without some basis)
Anyways, we got a little trashy and went back to the theatre, it was packed. Oh and he has a flask of Southern Comfort that he has been nursing since he left his house. He was more than a little trashy.
Sadly - he got belligerent when the girl demanded to see our tickets ( too many people in the theatre it seems). DW got a little too hot over it, cuz he could not find his ticket. I was embarrassed as he yelled a bit, but at the same time, it was quite sexy. I hate using the word sexy - it is so a 70's word you know. Either way, someone might have had to take a hair dryer to the seat after we left. ( excuse my crass nature please)
The ticket was found, the movie was watch, the licorice was eaten.
It was a good time had by all.
We went back to my place for a bit and talked some more. He tried to tell me he was better than he was, but I called him on it. He likes this for some reason. I don't get it... it makes me mad when someone calls bullshit on what I say. This guy takes it for what it is... And logs it away.
I know I make him seem so fucking great. I know he is a mess. I know that nothing will ever come from it. I know it is stupid to stop wanting others ( including the lover) just because this guy came back from the dead for a couple days.
But this is the pattern. I am so the one man woman type. It is just too bad that the one man doesn't realize that this woman is willing to hold up the world while she waits for him. Or is it a good thing?
Either way - I have not called "my lover" since DWs return. I should perhaps do this before he drifts off into someone else's direction. He is a good piece of excitement in my otherwise uneventful life.
toodles.
6.04.2006
FireBox
Some of you may be familiar with the term "firebox" but until today, I had never heard it before. Or perhaps never understood it.
A Firebox is a true redhead. Something about the Curtains match the carpet if you get my meaning....
I was at a party.
Bookworm's Party to be exact. I went under duress, not because I didn't want to go, of course I wanted to go to a party. I debated on not going as "the solid", aka "our mutual friend" was going, and he and I haven't been as tight as wanted. What can you do? Sometimes you get too close, and need a breather.
Aside: or he acts like a jackass - whichever you prefer.
But I digress.
The party was full of the usual contenders. The newfie, the gay cowboy ( who isn't very gay at all it seems), random girls who make awkward small talk with me. There is one girl that I just cry inside when I see her. She is so fake and useless, I literally walk away when she is within 5 feet of me, which can be difficult when I am trying not to be obvious about it. Fuck I don't like her.
There were a few missing, the Buddhist and DC in particular. Ah, sweet DC. I know that there is even no point into crushing on you, yet I would love to pack you in a box - and bring you out when it is cold outside - like a knotty old sweater. This guy is totally the guy you want to marry when you are 40, and just don't want to be alone. Cuddlely and abrasive, all at the same second.
Bookworm was his typical touchy self. This guy, seriously. I once had a mild crush since I got the odd vibe from him. Oh and that Damned New Years Kiss. Fuck that guy. Touching me all the time, its like he is doing it so people see him bonding with me. I feel more dirty when he puts his hand on my back, than with some of my sexual conquests. Like that time I woke up in a park in morning... His touch is worse than this.
But the party, and the touching, is all worth it - because I got my wish.
I knew my wish was true when I saw the Fence.
The Fence is this dangerous boy who all the boys know. He can get you anything you want in a matter of days. Only it costs 1/2 as much as it should, and don't even mail in the warranty card. I don't trust him, and try to keep away from him - cuz I know that there is something devastatingly wrong with him.
But I know that he would not come alone to this party. He would come with only one person, the DW.
And sure enough, 20 minutes later, who comes through the hall? DW.
Now, I am tired and quite drunk - so I am not going to go on. I just have a few points to make.
He is hotter.
He gives good hug.
I do not love him.
But fuck* - I missed him.
I can't help it. I love talking to this guy, I love listening to him tell me outlandish things, I like drinking with him.
He claims we are going to go out ...
We shall see about that though, I have learned to wait and see with the Dreamweaver.
It is better for my soul.
* hehhehheh Butt Fuck.
A Firebox is a true redhead. Something about the Curtains match the carpet if you get my meaning....
I was at a party.
Bookworm's Party to be exact. I went under duress, not because I didn't want to go, of course I wanted to go to a party. I debated on not going as "the solid", aka "our mutual friend" was going, and he and I haven't been as tight as wanted. What can you do? Sometimes you get too close, and need a breather.
Aside: or he acts like a jackass - whichever you prefer.
But I digress.
The party was full of the usual contenders. The newfie, the gay cowboy ( who isn't very gay at all it seems), random girls who make awkward small talk with me. There is one girl that I just cry inside when I see her. She is so fake and useless, I literally walk away when she is within 5 feet of me, which can be difficult when I am trying not to be obvious about it. Fuck I don't like her.
There were a few missing, the Buddhist and DC in particular. Ah, sweet DC. I know that there is even no point into crushing on you, yet I would love to pack you in a box - and bring you out when it is cold outside - like a knotty old sweater. This guy is totally the guy you want to marry when you are 40, and just don't want to be alone. Cuddlely and abrasive, all at the same second.
Bookworm was his typical touchy self. This guy, seriously. I once had a mild crush since I got the odd vibe from him. Oh and that Damned New Years Kiss. Fuck that guy. Touching me all the time, its like he is doing it so people see him bonding with me. I feel more dirty when he puts his hand on my back, than with some of my sexual conquests. Like that time I woke up in a park in morning... His touch is worse than this.
But the party, and the touching, is all worth it - because I got my wish.
I knew my wish was true when I saw the Fence.
The Fence is this dangerous boy who all the boys know. He can get you anything you want in a matter of days. Only it costs 1/2 as much as it should, and don't even mail in the warranty card. I don't trust him, and try to keep away from him - cuz I know that there is something devastatingly wrong with him.
But I know that he would not come alone to this party. He would come with only one person, the DW.
And sure enough, 20 minutes later, who comes through the hall? DW.
Now, I am tired and quite drunk - so I am not going to go on. I just have a few points to make.
He is hotter.
He gives good hug.
I do not love him.
But fuck* - I missed him.
I can't help it. I love talking to this guy, I love listening to him tell me outlandish things, I like drinking with him.
He claims we are going to go out ...
We shall see about that though, I have learned to wait and see with the Dreamweaver.
It is better for my soul.
* hehhehheh Butt Fuck.
6.03.2006
My 8 Mile Lover
Well, I have taken a lover. I know I sound so gay for putting it this way... But fuck it. What else am I going to call him? He is literally my lover, not by boyfriend, not my friend.
He is my lover. I could put it another way - but that is just crass, and I don't think I will degrade our time together as such.
It is strange to be able to have sex again, whenever I want it. Phone call, text message, knock at the door, pants on the floor. Done.
And it isn't that bad at all... Strangely to me, we are compatible. Of course, I tend to get along with guys in general, but this is just crazy. So amicable.
It is all the little things, the chit chat we have after is easy, not awkward. Mind you, we are not talking about anything dangerous really. Life stuff, what we did before we met, who we did, what we got in trouble for.
It is very nice and safe.
Of course, we both know that there will be no love, and this won't last all that long. He seems to have some incarceration issues in his immediate future. I can't really picture going to see him, a visitor's pass around my neck. "I'll wait for you babe". Ha.
So 8 mile.
He is my lover. I could put it another way - but that is just crass, and I don't think I will degrade our time together as such.
It is strange to be able to have sex again, whenever I want it. Phone call, text message, knock at the door, pants on the floor. Done.
And it isn't that bad at all... Strangely to me, we are compatible. Of course, I tend to get along with guys in general, but this is just crazy. So amicable.
It is all the little things, the chit chat we have after is easy, not awkward. Mind you, we are not talking about anything dangerous really. Life stuff, what we did before we met, who we did, what we got in trouble for.
It is very nice and safe.
Of course, we both know that there will be no love, and this won't last all that long. He seems to have some incarceration issues in his immediate future. I can't really picture going to see him, a visitor's pass around my neck. "I'll wait for you babe". Ha.
So 8 mile.
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