Another Full Moon this week....

I have decided to expand my horizons lately. I don't know in which direction to go though, so I study. I am currently reading one of 4 books.
Here is a quick run down:
1. No Logo - Naomi Klein - A book that talks about Branding, and how companies change our world with their branding techniques. Talks a lot about branding of human beings ( Shaq, Jordan and Mickey Mouse), and of course Corps like WalMart ( burn in hell Walmart).
2. The Essence of Buddhism - Traleg Kyabgon - An introduction to the novice ( Moi!)
3. The Evil that Men Do - Stephen Michaud -Profiling the minds of sexual predators ( I have a dark side...)
4. The Anti-Christian - Friederich Nietzsche - Philosophy of a self loathing German who rips the idea of Christians, Jews and Muslims to bits.

I have also started taping Yoga classes of the Canadian Learning Channel. We shall see if I actually pull the coffee table back or not...


I have also begun to obsess over the idea of traveling. Where I want to go first, and how to save for it. I have started a new savings plan ( this one is Canadian Bonds).

I have also also been eating Veggie Samosas. Contemplating buying veggie soy products that look like ground beef.


What the fuck. Who am I becoming? What am I doing in my journey? Religion? Vegetarian? If all of my life of complaining of religion, and eating meat by the truckload - turns me into a Buddhist... What does that I mean of all I said before?

I know that these things all see to be great personal growth choices I am making. Mixing things up, trying new things. But it feels so wrong in so many ways. I can't be my charming cynical, defiant self as a vegan Buddhist. Don't I have to wear Jesus shoes and move to Nepal or something? Ok that is a little unfair. Afterall, I know a Buddhist. He drinks, smokes, maybe a little more... He even had a cellphone. And I don't think he ever LIVED in Nepal...

Haven't heard from the Bookworm in a week now. I had lunch at his store and that was the last time. I don't think this is going to really go anywhere ... It has been way too long for a call at the very least. He can't be this shy? That is just stupid. I am not that difficult to deal with. He is just like the rest. Close, but not that close. Jerks. All of them.

Reading that Anti-Christian has been eye opening. It justifies my issues with religion. He just explains how they are now distorted religious thoughts that people have twisted to suit current situations. For a paper that was written in 1895, it is quite applicable to current status levels. He even points out why Buddhism is the only one that makes sense... And perhaps because it isn't the same. It is more inner driven. My friend once even told me there is a saying that if you see Buddha in the street, you should kill him. Cuz it isn't Buddha at all. Cuz he is dead and was a mortal... Or something like that.
This paper is coincidentally agreeing with every thought I have had about all the religions of the planet... And I chose to read it at the exact time I was becoming interested in Buddhism. As if to guide me along a path or something.

Oh and of course, there is the other thing.
Point 30. This point of the paper discusses two physiological realities.

The first is "the instinctive hatred of reality". Sounds good to me. The concept is susceptibility to pain and irritation so much that one becomes unable to be "touched" as it is unendurable... Every sensation is too profound. Yep. I know that one well.

The second one "the instinctive exclusion of all aversion, all hostility, all bounds and distances in feeling" The concept is susceptibility to pain and irritation so much that one comes to the brink of being unable to be "touched", but it is soaked up instead ... And only Love can make it all better. Making Love the ultimate possibility of life.

Maybe not so shattering of concepts... But written succinctly ( spelling is way off there) that I read that one passage 5 times.
I know I don't explain why this one passage has affected me so much, but it has. I think about how it applies to many parts of my life... And how I deal with things. It is a weird time for me. I feel like I don't wear my own skin right now, it is someone else's.