Who's going to save my soul now?

Well, what can I say... it's been a rather dull summer. I spent most of my summer tending to family obligations, and therefore - was out of town 1/2 of the time virtually.

I haven't found love.
Haven't found a new lover.

Updates:
I still see BiggyJohn and Frankie periodically, don't want cobwebs to appear in abundance ... so have to tidy up from time to time. It's been ok, but with one moved out of town, and the other to move across the country soon... well my options are limited with them both. And truth be told, my heart isn't into it as much as before. I may have to expand my horizons shortly... possibly just to get over my major issue. It is of course, Jared Leto yet again.

At this point, it has been established over many drinks one night, that Jared Leto has no intention of saving my soul. He "has really come to enjoy our friendship", but was never "into me" in that way. Regardless of his foggy memory on certain key events.
As a whole, I feel his reasoning is flawed - and factually incorrect. Of course, pointing these out and proving him wrong will do nothing to bring him to give me his heart.

This is the new problem. I have been left with the awful burden of still spending time with him - but dealing with the reality that what I have now, a good friend who does genuinely care for my well being - and the double reality shot that this is all there is.

I spent about a WEEK thinking this could work. Don't plan events as much, try to keep it all light and breezy... find some new distraction of a tall boy... or man even, you know ... attempt to move on. I figure this was a good plan, and convinced myself it was working.

Then a two-day music festival did nothing but destroy all the work done.

My downfall in all of this is pretending that I don't adore him.
Looking for faults.

Only the only fault that is truly an issue - is that he refuses my affections.

I sadly came to the conclusion that I am hooked, and nothing short of a miracle is going to save my soul... Only miracles are for other people. I don't believe in them, pixies or karma.
I came to this conclusion somewhere in a crowd of 25,000 people as I had the arm of this man around me, singing our hearts out to "wonder wall"... at some point he leans in and whispers something about being so glad we were there or something to that effect, and I nearly lost my breathe in his words and his smell. At this moment, I flashed to the idea I should just lean in and kiss him.

Then quickly refused this notion, as it was an idea born out of beer, weed and enough Bacardi to ruin a friendship I have come to cherish...