Checklist... Is anything done?

I figured it was time to update the invisible world on my ins and outs in the city. I have madly been downloading music for days it seems. It is just incredible how you can nearly get every song, album, movie, spoken word that you can think of. I do find it strange though, I cannot get the theme song to Facts of Life. I keep getting the song of the same name by some obscure idiot instead. Very disappointing, as this would make an excellent song to put on my piecemeal message for laughs. These are the random things that I do and think about on a daily basis. What can I do to even one up myself?

I may also have been procrastinating this new entry for a variety of reasons ( listed here):

1. I don't want to admit that DW is completely out of control and it makes me sad.
2. DC is not a boy who will ever be into me. Sadly.
3. My life is terribly boring.
4. I don't know how to fix #3.
5. When I write it down, it becomes real. All of it.

Well, I guess I should begin at the start and work my way through.

1. DW
It is constantly up and down with this guy. I can't even imagine being him all the time, I would most likely have become a crack whore by now. So Kudos to him. Perhaps.
He came over last week and we had a good time. He was drunk when he arrived. Not so bad, compared to the week before where he was coming down off god knows what. Meth? Coke? Either way.
I got a bunch of food in him, as he was very verbose. We talked about the previous week and how I didn't like and how I even worried. Guilt can do some good things. Sometimes.
The evening ended without any out of the ordinary events. I felt it was a good time.
As the week went by, there was lots of talk about getting DW together with our mutual friend - so that they could get over their "thing". They haven't been talking to one another for like 2 or 3 months. It is completely stupid and childish.... But two strong willed boys - with the same issues of admittance of guilt and pride - it has been a pain at the very least. I don't like being the sounding board for both of them. It gets tiresome.
There were many conversations where I advised it was going to happen and both parties seemed to be in agreeance. We would all go and drink.
Naturally, it didn't happen. Only because I wanted it all to be over. Getting what I want - yah right.
DW is in fact M.I.A. again. Not online, not answering calls or returning messages. For like 3 days again. I know this means that he is off on another drug run. Or he has fallen in love? I doubt this second option though. He is too messed to date now - and he doesn't care for the drug whore variety of girl who would date him now.
This makes me sad, his obvious drug habits have returned with consistency.
We shall see if he keeps his Monday night date with me... We didn't discuss it, but maybe he will call? And not be coming down? And be a better man?

2. DC
What can I tell you? I didn't do anything wrong. He didn't do anything right. My body image issues are intensified in his presence - which makes me less useful than a bag of lint.
In his favour - he is working weeks of 6 and 7 days. His mind is elsewhere. But I love attention being lavished on me by my boys. This is a commonly known fact.
In the end, I think I have fallen out of crush with him - because I realize that me being nervous is just making him not like me as much. This makes sense, since he fell in love with me ( so to speak) when I hadn't even thought of him as more than a acquaintance. Whatever. Done.

3. My Life is boring.
It is just true. I was thinking bout this last night. My bitches and I went to have some dinner after working on a Sat afternoon. We went to the local pub around the corner ( the wings are tasty there).
Our waitress, whom we have talked to many times over the years, advised that not only was it Karoke night, but also some singles night was being held. Plentyofish.com I do believe. It was very interesting to see the way everyone was a little more Uberthemselves. There were these three cougars beside us who laughed so loud constantly. Attention getting yes. Annoying? Definitely.
We made fun of the singles... As they were not the cream of the dating crop I suspect. Odd looking characters everywhere.
After we left though, I thought about how I could never go to a singles night. All the staring up and down, all the eye contact. Horrifying to me really. Strangely, I feel that eye contact is way more intimate than penetration - if that makes any sense at all to anyone. Eyes, truly are the window to the soul. And I don't want anyone I can't trust to see my soul.

4. I don't know how to change #3.
Now I think this one is a lie. I know how to change #3. It is just so much work. Over haul my entire life. Starting with my pisspoor attitude and bitchyness. There there is body image issues. Then there is actually doing things that may not seem like fun and unboring, but really are. My friend has talked bout us getting out to various events in this glorious city of Toronto. I have been in this conversation loop forever though, with everyone. We should start going to the AGO, or Jazz nights, or this or that etc. Then we even go so far as to find out free nights, or the costs of things. Then it peters out.
Everyone is the same on this, so I don't feel so bad. Except - does everyone feel like they are wasting their life... Like I have felt for a couple years now.
Is it so bad to sit around and watch movies, play games on the computer, or steal music by the truckload? I don't know - but I have always been hung up on this feeling I have had since I was young. You should be doing something else. This is not what you should be doing right now. I don't know what the hell it is that I am supposed to be doing. I certainly can come up with a short list of things "in the now" that I could be doing . Maybe that is where I should start.
I recently contacted some places about doing volunteer work. I received back a few emails about how to register etc. And one community group actually gave me an option. Some work to do calling people about some event. I accepted and heard back that some co-ordinates would be calling to set me up. No call ever came. Even when I offer to work for free, no one calls.

This is just the sort of things I mean.

5. When I write it down, it becomes real.
Now I am just depressed. I think I will go and do something.