Now, it isn't that I really wanted to get ditched. I just didn't want to go to the circus. All the animals in captivity. All the crap in getting there - though it would have been nice to go out and do something with Dreamweaver. Regardless, he didn't call me, I didn't call him. And I pretty much guessed that if I didn't inniate it, it wouldn't happen. This guy is so horrible with the phone.
Alas, it occurred to me after the call never came today, that I had been ditched twice.
By the two guys in recent memory that really kinda broke my heart.
DW doesn't count really, since we were never anything. I just adored him, as you may have gathered from the multiple posts regarding him. To watch him in a downward spiral when I know that isn't what he wants, he just doesn't know any different.
I have advised I am over my crush on DW - and I can feel it is gone. He is still pretty hot these days, looking mightily fine indeed, but now I don't know why, I am over it. I think it was that whole drugged out episode in April? May? Whenever it was.
It is the first ditch of the week that is kinda killing me a bit.
Now, before I begin, I just have to say that I know that things are different. I know that they can't be the same as it was- back in the day, I know that it never will be again.
I just wanted to hang out with my friend and be the jerks that we can be together.
I miss him so much.
Even just sitting around drinking coffee and bitching about his girlfriend and her newfie life.
But not only did he ditch, he never called to advise he was ditching, he didn't even call back after I left messages.
Of course I know what happened.
His girl got the day off for whatever reason ( these things just seem to happen on the days that we plan to hang out - coincidence? I don't know.) and he just did what she wanted to do (understandably he is in love afterall).
He then listens to his messages and hears me talking about our plans, and how I came back early from the awesome cottage - for his visit. Then he feels guilty and doesn't call back.
Now it is two days later, and he hasn't called. He most likely won't either. He will wait for me to call.
It is his way. It makes me so fucking angry. He is frustrating and he makes it worse.
What is the craziest thing - is that my roommate tells me today - that our other friend ran into her on this same day. And she invited him back to their place - to hang out.
So - not only am I ditched, but I am ditched for some spur of the moment chance meeting.
I think the saddest part of this, isn't the ditching, isn't that Loverboy did it. It's that it still hurts today when this sorta thing happens with him. Even as I write this now, I am only realizing my hurt feelings over it. I didn't even realize how much it bugged me.
You would think that after 33 years, I would be able to figure out when I am really upset about something, and not just fronting. But I don't.
Fuck.
4 comments:
The guy sounds kinda emotionally irresponsible to me. Hey, some folks in their 50s still can't figure out when they're really upset about something.
Of course he is emotionally irresponsible. It is part of his charm. Sad but true.
Ohhh, I know that type for sure. For me, it got old, eventually, finally, thank goodness.
At least he has been trying for the past year... old habits die hard I guess.
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