Hello 2007... nice to see you

Happy New Year!

I have no resolutions, just in case you thought to ask. I don't necessarily have things I don't want to improve... just don't need to make rules for them. I know what needs to get done.. same as it was a month ago, a new year isn't a clean slate to me... life is totally a work in progress for me.

I have had a chance to think over 2006 in general though. It wasn't a bad year for me - at least not worse than previous years... 2003 blew, and so did 2004. I don't think I minded 2005 too much, got a clue of what I wanted somewhat... which is always good. This last year started off a little rough, and I had some slumps along the way, you have read about a few... and there were others, I just don't think I worry as much as before about the small stuff.

Those last few days of 2006 were crazy though. Everyone else seems to be having a rough time right now. My uncle has been completely loony lately. His live in girl friend and his live in wife (oh he sure is something) had a brawl on Boxing day... taking the holiday's name a little two literally. Threw the whole family into a tizzy. I don't see why everyone gets so upset about it, it only motivates the man child to find new ways to act out and get stupid attention. Family, they sure can be entertaining, but you can never leave after the show ends.

I went out on New Years' Eve Eve with BL's ex. I thought it would be a good time, we have a lot of bad blood - but in recent months, thought it might have changed. And for the first part of the night, I thought that it had finally had.
Now I wasn't completely fooled, I have heard the stories, the drugs, the seizures, the outbursts over stupid things. I knew he had been messy, but sometimes the stories are greater than the truth, besides its me, we can have fun for a few hours - I don't poke and prod things too much most of the time.

We met for drinks at a bar in Gay Village. It was nice, I tried not to pay attention to his need to go out of his way to hug and chat up the staff he knew there. I know he wants you to know he is important, it is his thing, so I don't really pay much attention and listen to his name dropping stories about songstresses texting him for dating advise. Whatever, we all need to 'bigup' once and a while.
We went back to his place for a quick drink and a little something something. We have a great talk and catch up on work and life and the holidays... I am really actually enjoying myself.
I convince him to go to that bar where the boy told me I was hot - just to see if he was around. A small adventure to keep our night fun. Turns out my friend is not there, but there is this great Irish band playing.
What a little great pub this bar turns out to be... a tonne of Toronto Irish around... gotta love that drunken accent. It gets messy and people are jumping on stage to sing with them... crazy fun times. We do shooters and drink the bar closed.

This is when the fun stops. We cab it back to his loft again... drinks and more drinks. Little of the business flowing as well.

Then my friend decides he is going to take a potent chemical cocktail. I politely decline the idea - never done that one - and I don't think I will either. Of course, even at 330am, this doesn't deter my friend at all.

Too bad that he doesn't realize this drug makes him react differently to me... after a while, he just starts being belligerent towards me and accusatory. At one point, I realize that I acting as a surrogate to my roommate for this man. He is just going on and on about how if could have been different, and how if he had been nice, he could have broken up with him at a different time... etc.
Really it is a lot of bullshit. It is just obvious that he is still sad and not over this huge break up. It makes me sad, because he just doesn't see that his method of repairing the damage isn't making it better for him.
Now, I have a lot of patience for people, especially when I care for them, so I sit there and take it for awhile. I attempt to change topics a few times, but it just comes back to the same thing, and then he starts on about the Puppet master bullshit again. I truly believe that he believes that i helped to coerce BL out of this train wreck of a relationship. He just doesn't get that drugs were the problem simply because they both DID NOT like how he changed after going hard core. It has to be more, I had to do it. Just a silly notion really.

It just came to a point when I just said "ok I have to leave now". It just wasn't fun anymore, and hadn't been for a two hour period. Pretty much as soon as the drug took effect.

Too bad. I really enjoyed his friendship... but I represent everything that went wrong for this man. And that isn't going to change for a long time I suspect.
He did send some text messages after I left for the next day... just half assed apologies and a few more accusatory tones.

What can you do? I know - stick to the plan of non contact and try again next year... oh wait... this year. Just later on!