What's on My Mind?

Things I have recently spent a lot of time in my mind lately ( January is the Cruelest of months):
1. My cat needs a condo - he needs a cozier place to grow old gracefully. If I am a happy home owner, then it makes sense that he will be happier. Not besmirching my roommate. I adore living with that guy... even if I am hiding in my room right now, while he puts his moves on his date. Stupid guy from the coffee shop. :)
2. I need a new job to enjoy. I am so miserable right now. Seriously - I am making everyone pay. Especially that bloodless busybody who sits beside me. I truly do no like her. She is so annoying and I can't help but plot her last days here at the company. I dream of her quitting, transferring or just plain forgets how to get into the building. Why don't they build a sudoko big enough that she forgets to come to work for 4 months trying to figure it out. Hate her.

3. I don't have enough saved for my retirement, which means I will be a poverty stricken older fat lady at McDonald's. I recently saw a woman there ( don't ask me why I was at this particular food establishment, certainly not eating a deathly meal... or I mean Happy Meal.) It was too late for breakfast but still she rushed the counter and asked if she could still get a bacon mcmuffin. Calmly asked and seemed politely asking... until she was ever so politely told that it was way past the deadline. She started to shake and kind of yelled. But Yell isn't the right world. It was like she was attempting to stop her outburst as it was happening. She quickly turned and went to the window and continued to kinda shake and cry out for a minute or two. It was like watching a demon attempting to break free... only it was just this lady who was in her fifties...
She composed herself and left the restaurant all together. No food. The demon demanded breakfast and no more.
I am not making fun of the fact that she obviously has some sort of neurosis or tourette's or schizophrenia. I wasn't afraid at this outburst and I felt my cynical soul go out to her - people must yell rude things or stare at her all the time. She must be aware of her situation. She was fighting to control it so much - it was obvious.
I don't know what I would do if afflicted with such a condition. I know we are supposed to want to live forever and persevere and be an inspiration to all the assholes who have all their sense still... but I am too selfish a person to do that. I would eventually decide it was time to get out... and I would.
'Course maybe not. I don't know because I am not in the thick of it.

I just keep thinking about how lonely she must be. Alone. Fucked up. Alone.

Breaks my heart to think about it.