That guy

D has made me insane. I had given up on all boys waiting around for him to decide what he wanted. Then it seemed that he didn't want anything in the end at all. There was a lot of here and there... then nothing. I don't get it. I would talk to him, and he would want to come by - then when the time came - no call .. no show.

It got bad - I was quite obsessed. Then I realized, this isn't me. Why am I acting like we were in love? We just for really fucked up and spent a day together.

So I deleted his phone numbers, removed him from my favourite list on our website ( where we met)... and deleted all his emails. Done.! Clean break.

And I decided to treat myself to a boy... as they say.. the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Of course, this isn't really a great plan - and my treat was a little bittersweet. We had a good time, but the next morning... it all went badly. Teach me to indulge in boys that much younger than me. 23 is nothing I can handle it seems. The generation gap is too much.
Lesson learned. All is well.
Then of course, D contacts me again. Talking about being busy with work. PFFFT! Whatever.
He goes on to say that he wants to drop by "soon" again. That if I will let him, we can have a good time.
Under the advice of my lesbian love guru ( she does make sense...oddly)... I waited some time before replying to him.
Then send a quick simple message saying I was still interested, but wasn't aware he was still interested... and to call me to figure it out.

That was now 5 days ago. And true to form, radio silence. Nothing.

I have gone crazy again. I haven't called or emailed. But I have obsessed over it in my head.

I see how it is all wrong. I should let go. I haven't seen him in over a month, and only have a couple phone calls and emails to keep me going.
In the interim, I have met another boy is more than willing to talk to me whenever. he is sweet, easy going, and we have fun. He isn't D though, and I know in my heart, I would drop him in a second for D.
Maybe it is best to just leave it. As far as I can see... if I leave it alone... he won't contact me. Who knows. Too bad. I just feel so much more is going on, I just don't know what it is. Maybe it is more than I can handle.

I don't want a man I have to hold a hand for. That is what mothers are for.