Well, it sseems that sleep will be an impossibility tonight. Even the old trick of touching myself in dirty ways on the balcony floor hasn't helped. Things on my mind.. twisting and turning everything inside and out. I have no idea of where I am to go now. I see that the last straw has fallen on the wrong camels back. I have seen my last easy guy go off and get a different girl... who could blame him... nothing had happened to us in 6 or 7 years. How long can a poor boy suffer in silence? IT is quite unfortunate that I outlasted even him... he is a great boy. I guess it wasn't meant to be ( why do people have to justify losses by saying this? I dont understand it.. but might as well join them....)
I just seem so lost. I don't know why I am like this. I don't think that I am that different. Sure.. I am not the prettiest.. but I am by no means a bitch. I have skills and entertainment value... Yet no one seems to love me more than words. Maybe because I don't love anything more than words? Do i have to show love and take the loss when it isn't reciprocated? How many times before I get a hit?
They say that when you aren't looking - you will find it. What does this mean? Do I give up and get 5 more cats? move to the country? How can I stop looking. Love is the end all... be all of everything. Everyone knows it and everyone looks for it. And recently I have discovered that I am the only one left now.
I know I am not really alone on lonely street - but it sure as hell feeels like it. I don't really know of anyone else with such shit luck.
I WANT LOVE and taht is that.
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