Cigarettes and Alcohol

I don't even know how to start this entry. My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute. I don't even know what just happened... but I know it happened. This is a drunken blog, I try to avoid it... but I can't this time.

I think there is hope. Where to begin?

Eagles of Death Metal?.... my cousin coming out? Chris the stranger who said he wanted to marry me? Or the subsequent love fest I just experienced.. that nearly proved fatal. I can't even believe that happened. What the fuck was that? Typing this out is the only thing that is stopping me from calling a cab and chasing that boy to his house.

I mean, he knows I love him... so why do that stuff. Jager... Jager makes dreams come true... don't even let anyone tell you otherwise. I am living proof - kinda.

It started innocently. He calls and wants to check out a band, and a good band. Only football is in the way... shocking really (note sarcasm). I say I will go, but meeting later will mean there is no show for us... but who am I? We arrange to meet 3 hours after the doors open for the show.

We arrive seperately - and I find out that the bouncer has sent away my desperate Jared Leto.
We go to another local.. only to discover that the Sultans of String are preforming... and it is a very romantic atmosphere.. Daaaaaaanger! Danger....

We go to a third Bar... that has football on the screen. We arrive just in time for Overtime to start... How long could that last?

The love fest begins... but it is fairly innocent. Lots of I like hanging out with you, I told my dad about you, we are solid you know that right? It's all good and it breaks down to discussing music and trying to figure out (so I just texted him now - sue me)... Clive Owen's name.

Jukebox love happens. I describe my Bryan Adams fetish... I don't care.. that guy screwed a princess... who can say that amongst us?
We have gotten a buzz on by this point - and then Chris finds us. Chris is a stranger who hears us arguing about 'Chinese Democracy'.
We are so entertained by him... he chills with us the rest of the night... telling me he will marry me... and that he doesn't trust Jared. It is all kinda interesting.
This is when I start to notice the touching the grabbing, the hugging.... the "more than usual" actions. Is it because of the drink? The mutual love of our friendship? The man who says he will marry me? Really I don't care... cuz I want it all so bad.

Fast forward to end of night... we make Chris hang out outside with us while we decide if we are going to go anywhere... of course this is dissipates into nothing... Chris leaves us... we decide to go home... only Jared says lets go back to his house. I says I would but only if I have the cash to get home. This is when he says there will be no going home until tomorrow....
Of course I agree...

The cab ride... we get in... he says his address... I am impressed that he is actually going to do this... being the ultimate freak-out and back-out guy. We get to my cross street and he asks me if I am sure.... now I know he is starting to freak out at the idea of me sleeping at his place...I say sure I will go home and direct cab driver... Jared asks me if I am mad.... I just say I want to not end the night yet.
We get to my place... I go to get out my door.. but he won't have it. He wants me to get out on his side... grabs my hand and gets out with me...

This is when he reminds me of "dinner" again. Then he hugs me ... there are some nice words...

Then he is just staring at me... while i stand in from of him. I get a little uncomfortable...cuz all I know is this is where we are supposed to kiss. The moment is there.... I wait....
he comes in again and hugs me again. And asks me if I am going to be OK.... keep in mind... I am fine. By the way..he doesn't even blink... it's like a movie... but i can't bare to make it happen.
I say yes... and say... just pay the cab and come on.... the hug is solid. Makes me a little shaky.

Then he is gone. I am home. I know that something almost happened... if I hadn't looked away all freaked out... if I hadn't let him bail on my going to his place....

Something.

Damn that full moon!!!