Dream Over?

I think I may able to put this dog to rest. The Dreamweaver is dream over. At least for the time being. I found him rather non-responsive in our last conversation. There are many factors in my decision that may seem a little quick - but I don't think this is the time after all to explore our current star of the blog.

I know that him being under the influence of 3 solid days of video games and steady stream of pot can make him seem a little less like the boy I have come to adore. The point being that I don't know that I want to spend my time with someone who would do nothing but play video games for 3 days solid. It seems a little wasteful. Oh no, the Judge has arrived.

But I still adore him.

I know that it is probably pointless. He is too oblivious to my greatness to fall for me. I can tell he doesn't realize the specialness that I see in him. He is too jaded to even bother seeing me... I get this a lot . I know it is shocking. Who doesn't want to fuck a fat girl? Seriously?

I know that just because I lost 5 pounds and got a hold of some smiles, it doesn't mean that I have become irresistable to hot downtown boys. It would be nice to know that I had a few of them, or one in particular, think about spending some time.

You know - fall in love and then worry how it will all work out. I am a hopeless romantic in these instances.

Ever since I fell in love with the Skateboarder in 9th grade. I used to write stories all the time where we would become friends in Keyboarding class and then he would fall in love with me. They all were pretty formula. There would always be some travesty event that would make him have to step up to the plate. Come to my rescue in the hall to a mean boy ( I think it was always that bastard Scott - I really hated that guy), or sometimes he would show up at my house after school and be all shy - because he didn't know I loved him already. I would always write some stupid dinner in that I was making for the family - and it would end up burning - we would have to put out the fire, and somehow we would end up kissing... you see where all this is going. It was all so "sweet valley high" on account that it was all that I read for an entire summer when I moved to Toronto and didn't know anyone....

Don't tell anyone I was this ridiculous please. I do have an image to uphold.

Back to reality... I have decided to lie low regardign the Dreamweaver situation. I know I will see him in three weeks - worst case scenario. It would be good to have some distance from my immediate lustable boy. I need to see if he is still this perfection that I have built up in my mind. I suspect he won't be - but that is being too negative now isn't it.