Number of the beast

So, I have discovered that the true apocolyspe is upon us. I am not a religious person by any means (unless you consider my complete and total refusal of the idea of religion - as a religion in itself) but I think it is time to pay attention none the less.
I have listened to people talk about the year 2000, then 2001, then 2003 ( Nostradamus picked September 11, 2001 I heard somewhere else)... So on. Everytime one of these days passes, then a new day miraculously appears. We all have to prepare for the hereafter. Prepare. It's not too late to repent for your sins. Jesus loves you - he'll forgive you too - if you do the moon walk or something. But here we all stand.
No balls of fire from the sky, no sinkholes eating entire towns, no blood flooding our schoolyards and malls.


Bah. Fuck that. At least that is what I have always said in my head, out loud, pretty much everywhere. But now I may be changing my tune. I think I have discovered the true "day of reckoning".
I am by no means prepared. I haven't repented. I can't even dance that well. I am cursed. There is no time to worry about this. We all have to stop and pray and prepare. For the time is upon us.

June 6th, 2006.
This is the day. Mark my words. It is best if you all just agree now, and begin.
We haven't long.
Time to forgive and forget.
Time to burn the porn collection, wipe that hard drive clean.
Time to acknowledge your illegitimate children.
Time to return those library books.
Time to turn yourself in for stealing that street sign.
Call your mom.
Call your priest.
Call your dance instructor.

Satan is coming to claim us all.
Hallelujah.