Truth comes home to roost.

DW has found a girl.
I am a somewhat green-eyed monster over it. I don't know how serious it will be - surely anyone will notice the problems of dating him. Mind you - it could be love. Maybe this is the girl he has searched for - spent years hoping would darken his step one cold spring night?

The thing that will bother me the most - is the idea that he will come over for one of our little visits - and ramble on about her. I will do my best to feign interest and ask stupid questions. "What is she like?", "What do you two do together", "Does she like drugs too?". Oh sorry about that last one.
See how it will be?
I won't be able to handle this pressure, and Queen Bitch will arrive on the scene to not-save the day. This is how it was with Loverboy in the beginning. Ugly but true.

I can't help it. I like all the wrong boys. I want the boys who don't want me. The boys who fall in friend-love with me, not the real-love. It is my own fault. It is how I choose to pick a mate.

I am the slow crawl girl.
I find a boy who I find something interesting about. Be it his interest in dark things. His ability to piss others off, and laugh about how silly it all is. His need for love, but in denial about his control over it. And I latch onto it.
Sometimes I don't even see the lust in my heart taking over my life. Sooner or later, I just discover that I have fallen for my new "best friend" de jour.

I can't help it. The mind is the sexiest thing on a man in my opinion. After you spend enough time with something, it grows on you. Whether it be a lamb, or a wolf. The details you piece together and figure out who really is that person sitting on your chairs. And one day - poof - it just blows you away.

I just figured by now, my master love-plan would work. That one of these boys would fall back in love with me. Dare to cross over into unknown territory in our "friendship". I sometimes attempt to hurry this along with some half baked, unthoughtout plan.

Usually this ends in some sort of disaster that causes all hope of a future relationship ( or friendship for that matter), to become impossible. Self destruction, is the finest form of flattery?

I know it seems to counterproductive to go after things that are impossible. But I have always been a girl who enjoys a good challenge, it makes the fruit sweeter, right?!?? Most of the time, these friendships begin to shape over the complete lack of sexual tension. There is no possibility of error - then I get hooked. Then the possibility of error improves.

Let's face it.
DW was a bit of a long shot. He hasn't dated in two years ( at least). He always talked about other girls. I knew his mind didn't hold any special moments between us. His complete lack of understanding of who I really am ( calling me rich girl for example) - was obvious from the start.

My not remembering him the first 50 times we met - well, that was just an oversight. I tend to ignore anything that was of no interest to me. He was a tweaker back then. I would have just sensed the problems. Like that night that I recall meeting him - when he was so attentive to me - to the point it just freaked me out.

This was probably the problem. If I didn't remember him, and he remembered me, then I was no cause for the puppy dog concerns that a boy like him has to deal with.

Ha, fooled him. He is so oblivious. It does still surprise me, after not really spending anytime with him in the last two months, that I still feel this jealously about a girl I have never met ( and hopefully never will). I thought I was done with him, or the ideas that I kept deep in my mind, had dried up. Apparently I still have so much to learn about myself.

I really need to get laid.
This is most likely the highest pressing of my problems, aside from my family of course.